I’m currently writing this post with no working title which pretty much sums up my state of mind lately. I have this … feeling I don’t even know what to name it.. other than feeling discontent. But really it feels much more complicated than that. And is breeding feelings of non inspiration and inadequacy. BUT – I committed myself to this place. I said that I’d show up here no matter what and post something at least three days a week, because in the end sitting down to write about something – even if it’s a frivolous as the newest razor I’m using – is good for my soul.
The weather has just been absolute grossness lately.. plus I feel like our house has been a host to some illness or another for weeks now. But beyond that nothing is really wrong. Isn’t that a weird thing? To be completely happy – yet not happy over really nothing in particular?
When I find myself in this kind of place one of the best things that I can do for myself is to accomplish something. It can be something really small like organizing the kitchen junk drawer that has gotten out of control.. to tackling ALLL the laundry in one day. Andd, I may or may not have (ok I DID) do both those things on Sunday.
Sometimes, getting cleaned and organized within the physical spaces that I occupy really help me get my mind cleaned up and organized. It’s in my nature to compartmentalize and avoid confrontation … even with that confrontation is within my own self. So – if I can physically confront something.. like the giant pile of laundry in my bathroom hamper plus the dirty rugs/mats around the house… and emerge Monday morning with a house full of clean laundry and clean mats to walk on.. I feel more prepared to face the real issue(s) at hand.
I make lists and burden myself with arbitrary timelines and goals which sometimes end up really bringing me down even further because I haven’t met those goals or I end up “late” for something. I feel like I’m letting the people in my life down. When the truth is – I put all those expectations on myself. I did that. I can easily undo all that damage.
Sometimes – I just need to reset. I need to throw out the lists. Let go of my expectations. Stop looking around at the people around me to measure myself against – and focus on me. I have to remind myself to start taking small steps to get to where I want to be.
P.S. I hope these pictures made you smile as much as they make me… this is Sophie Grace not wanting to corporate with smiling yet refusing to exit the picture and Cooper attempting to cheer her up then deciding his efforts were fruitless. Because… in the end if I can’t get myself together – my kids do it for me. They make me smile even when all I want to do is cry. 🙂